Ever wonder why some people are able to just keep going, being strong, looking fabulous and doing their thing? Whatever hardship or problem comes their way, they just seem to be able to keep going, persevere and bounce back, despite the curveballs life throws at them? It’s like they have a secret weapon that makes them invincible.
Want to know what that secret is?
What is resiliency? It’s your ability to bounce back and stay the course, to persevere and do it in a way that actually works and feels good. It is derived from the Latin verb resilire: “to leap back.”
I believe what makes people resilient is their ability to be fluid in the face of adversity. To accept that the polarity of life will bring us both perceived positive and negative experiences. These experiences will either take us down and keep us there or we will have the strength to rise again.
I want to share three tips to help you reframe your thoughts, so you can become more resilient today!
- Examine What’s in your Realm of Control
There are certain things within our control and certain things that we really can’t do anything about. We can leverage the controllable factors like our beliefs, attention, motivation and coping styles. But trying to change things outside our realm of control is a dead end and sure fire way to burnout and waste your energy.
You can choose to focus on the positive life events that include simple, kind words from a stranger, the blessing of your child’s smile, the sloppy kiss from your pet or the fresh ray of sunshine on your face. Our society tends to seek extraordinary events, however the small daily blessings are what will create more balance in our life. First we acknowledge them with gratitude and then we savour them to create the muscle memory we need to carry us through the dark days.
If we can take the time to express gratitude for what we have and savour our blessings, then that energy can help us in offsetting negative events and traumas.
- Recognize the 20%.
Unfortunately, we are programmed to focus on the negative, we recognize it faster and negative events tend to have a larger impact on us. This is genetically programmed into us from our caveman days when we had to run from a tiger and missing a clue could ultimately kill us. This flight or fight mode now gets triggered when small things occur wreaking havoc on our bodies.
These small things account for 20% of the variance in our mood changes: that traffic jam, the fact that you cannot meet and mingle with your social circle, the lines at the grocery stores. These events add up like thousands of papercuts and can impact our patience and mental health.
The state of resilience allows you to maintain your centre despite these setbacks. When you’ve preprogrammed your mind to focus on the small things that actually matter, shower them with gratitude and savour their impact in your life, you are more equipped to show up and deal with the negative 20%. You can “bounce back” much quicker and have the state of resilience to help you keep going. Remember: resilience can be developed, you can become resilient.
- Ask For Help
You always have a choice. If you are struggling with something, you can always ask for help. It seems like such an obvious solution, yet it’s so hard for many of us to actually put this into practice. When you recognize that you are struggling to be resilient in a situation, sometimes you just need to seek out assistance.
Maybe all you need is a good friend to listen to you and hold space for you to explore your feelings and thoughts. Maybe you need an action plan and want to work with a health professional to help you. Maybe you need to ask a family member to watch your kids for an afternoon so you can have some time to yourself. It’s totally up to you. But asking for help makes you more resilient. It’s not a sign of weakness, but of strength. Being able to receive that help can also be challenging for many of us, especially if we are used to being the caregiver. But it’s so important to take good care of yourself.
How can you become more resilient? Spend some time exploring what comes up for you.
With love and light,